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Mark and Lard, Radio 1: 23/6/99

The band played for the show from Maida Vail Studios, and chatted to the DJs in-between. Throughout the whole thing, people were playing things in the background and messing around with the interviews. Before the DJs talked to the band, they were listing the festivals radio 1 would be covering this summer

MARK: Hello

DAMON: Hello, how are you?

MARK: Iím good thanks, how are you?

DAMON: Yeah, fine, we were just playing along with the last... track.

MARK: So youíll be at some of these, youíre doing T In The Park arenít you?

DAMON: No, Iím not going to any of them.

LARD: Youíre not bothering.

DAMON: Iíve got a double.

MARK: Reading, T In The Park? Last time you were too bladdered to remember T In The Park, Iíve been reading.

DAMON: Well, to save myself the embarrassment Iím not turning up. Iím getting someone else to do it.

MARK: Fair enough. So how the devil are you then, you lot?

DAMON: Not bad, not bad.

MARK: What are you wearing today?

GRAHAM: Trousers.

DAVE: Girls Knickers.

MARK: Right, okay. Whoís having a good hair day?

DAMON: Iím not. Definitely. Well I never have good hair days.

MARK: Youíre not. Alex?

ALEX: Good mate.

MARK: Good fringe day?

ALEX: Yeah, not bad.

MARK: Dave?

DAVE: Yeah, good baldy day.

MARK: A good baldy day?

LARD: You not got your pilotís cap on?

MARK: I know the feeling. Well not about the pilotís cap. Graham, howís the hair?

GRAHAM: Nah, all right.

MARK: Hm hm, okay, fair enough then, all right. Now thereís all these festivals youíre going to do, reading this list and everything, and youíve got some big gigs to do. And of course youíve not got the security of being able to support The Shire Horses this time have you?

DAMON: No, well I mean thereís still a chance that you could do it for us isnít there.

MARK: Well, you know, if youíre a bit shaky on that responsibility. Is it true youíve got a go-ped?

DAMON: A what?

MARK: A go-ped!

DAMON: A go-ped! Oh what... whatís that?

MARK: You obviously havenít then. A motorised skateboard.

DAMON: Oh no, Iíve got nothing like that. Grahamís got a lot of skateboards. And I mean a lot.

MARK: Really? Very nice. And youíre going to be a dad Damon?

Long pause

DAMON: Huh?

MARK: Youíre going to be a dad? Or is that not true either?

DAMON: Iím going to sing you some songs.

MARK: Yes, I know that. But youíre going to be a father, I was just going to congratulate you, donít be uppity.

DAMON: Thankyou very much.

MARK: All right then. Whoís the mum, sheís not famous is she, that must be nice for you? Keeping out of the public eye a bit, you know.

DAMON: Well, you try, but, er, obviously today that hasnít worked out.

MARK: Well it was just congratulations because I had one five months ago and..

DAMON: Oh, well congratulations. No, I mean, you know, if we were in the same town we could talk about it.

MARK: OK, fair enough.

DAMON: But thereís millions of people in-between us.

MARK: Well, thatís all right.

DAMON: Well, if we could just go off the air for a second we could have a chat about fatherhood.

MARK: Well shall we have a song first and then we can do that afterwards.

DAMON: All right.

MARK: So what are you going to play for us first?

DAMON: Trimm Trabb.

MARK: Oh no, donít do that, do another one.

DAMON: Well Iím not happy to do another one, because it was going very well in rehearsal.

MARK: No, Iím just joking, Iím sure itíll be great.

GRAHAM: Youíll have what youíre given.

MARK: Oh fair enough, all right then. Get on with it then.

They play Trimm Trabb

MARK: That was Blur performing live from Maida Vail studios, which is down south, and that was Trimm Trabb, and weíll have two more songs to come during the course of the program.

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MARK: Its Mark and Lard, and weíve got Blur playing live from Maida Vail today. Damon, are you still there?

DAMON: Iím still here.

MARK: Look, Darren Croft has e-mailed and said thank-you for getting him into the Parklife launch party, but heís saying are you still into the greyhounds?

DAMON: Iíve still got a greyhound, but I donít think itís doing very well.

MARK: Is it not? Because this bloke, he got a greyhound, and to return the favour, he named the greyhound Parklife.

DAMON: Yeah?

MARK: And apparently it did all right.

DAMON: Well Iím very pleased for him.

GRAHAM: Do you know someone called Pertida?

MARK: Called who?

GRAHAM: Pertida or something?

MARK: Pretida?

GRAHAM: Yeah.

MARK: Yeah, sheís a mate of Sickly Robís.

GRAHAM: Oh right, sheís wishing you a 41st Happy Birthday next week.

MARK: Oh yeah, 41 next week.

LARD: Yeah.

MARK: Thanks very much, thatís nice.

GRAHAM: Thatís quite old isnít it?

MARK: Its very old yes. She came to my last party at our house.

LARD: She did a bit.

MARK: On my 40th. It was a fantastic festival. You werenít on, Shire Horses were on you know, and the family Mahoe.

LARD: Not a bad bill.

MARK: Not a bad bill at all. Dave Hiats Big Band. Have you heard of them?

GRAHAM: Yeah.

MARK: Well theyíre good arenít they. Hey, Dave, have you got a new plane?

DAVE: No, I havenít, Iíve still got the same one.

MARK: I thought you sold youíre old one to Alex.

DAVE: Oh yeah, I sold that one to Alex. I thought you mean the new one.

MARK: What condition was it in Alex, was in full of old cans and broken drums sticks and stuff, or was it all right?

ALEX: No, heís always had tidy cars and aeroplanes Dave, heís good like that.

MARK: Nice.

DAVE: Are you Mark or are you Lard?

MARK: Iím Mark, me.

LARD: Iím Lard.

DAVE: Itís the Park and Wright show, isnít it, thatís what it is.

MARK: Itís similar to that.

LARD: Write that down, get some jingles run up.

MARK: What are you going to play next? Whatís Pretida doing there anyway?

DAVE: Never you mind.

DAMON: Weíre going to play, erm.

DAVE: *sings* The Park and Wright Show.

MARK: Are you recording these, we can use these jingles. Theyíre better than the usual ones we get from Radio 1. Itís like being in a music shop on a Saturday afternoon with loads of kids trying the gear out, isnít it? Right, oh here we go...

Band starts playing and singing ĎPark and Wright Showí

MARK: Thatís the new Blur single, Park and Wright, and weíll be back after this sweeper...

MARK: You still there? Right, what shall we have now then, shall we have a song?

ALEX: Yeah.

MARK: What are you going to play?

DAMON: No Distance Left To Run.

MARK: Okay.

They Play No Distance Left To Run

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Play jingle of Dave singing ĎPark And Wright Showí

MARK: Did you hear that jingle? See, weíve made it up fast. It was great.

Play jingle of Dave singing ĎPark and Wright Showí.

LARD: A bit of class.

DAMON: Thatís going to come back to haunt you Dave.

DAVE: Itíll cost you that, mate.

MARK: Weíll talk about that, yeah. So, er, what do you do after this then, where are you off to, whatís exciting thatís happening in the blur camp in the next couple of days? Anything?

ALEX: Itís another work a day week in rock, really.

MARK: Is it?

Dave: Top Of The Pops tomorrow, mate.

MARK: Top Of The Pops? Fantastic.

ALEX: Where are you to with that new Whitney single? Do you like that?

MARK: Which one is that? Youíre love is my love?

ALEX: Yeah mate.

MARK: Hmm. No Iím not bothered myself.

LARD: Why, are you keen?

ALEX: Yeah, I love those backing vocals.

MARK: Oh right.

DAMON: Thatís Wyclef though, isnít it?

MARK: Is it?

DAMON: Yeah.

MARK: Oh right. We donít know about that. Not really my bag but each to their own. Now the new single, Coffee and TV, youíve all done these different mixes of Bugman, whose is best?

Dave: I think mine is.

LARD: I thought that you know.

MARK: I thought his was.

LARD: Did you?

MARK: I thought his was better than his, but on the other hand...

LARD: No, Iím with him. Definitely.

MARK: Well thatís sorted that one out. What are you going to play for your last... oh, did you see that program about Colchester and the squaddies and girls by the way?

DAMON: Yeah, it was kind of a bit... a bit too tame really, from what I remember. There was a lot more violence.

MARK: But did you think it was a fair reflection... did you used to creep round those pubs as a kid, and try and avoid getting beaten up?

DAMON: Er, I didnít avoid it to be honest with you.

MARK: Was it a ??? town to grow up in? Was it a fair reflection, because people were saying it painted a really bad picture of it.

DAMON: Oh come on, its just like any other town, you know.

MARK: Well its not. We donít have a thousand squaddies.

DAMON: You either live there for the rest of your life or you...

GRAHAM: Itís symbolic of the moral collapse of this country.

MARK: Well, I think thatís a profound note on which to do the last tune then. So whatís it going to be?

DAMON: But theyíve got a good oyster festival.

MARK: Really? Whenís that?

GRAHAM: Heís barred from that.

DAVE: Barred from the oyster festival?

DAMON: Yeah.

MARK: Whenís the oyster festival?

DAMON: Er, May I think.

MARK: May. Will you write that down.

DAMON: And it is Britainís oldest recorded town.

LARD: Yeah, I know that.

MARK: Is it really?

DAMON: Yeah, so, you know...

MARK: Well, itís got plenty going for it then, hasnít it?

DAMON: It has.

MARK: Right, well weíll mark that oyster festival on our world frogging calender wall chart. And weíll have another last tune from you, on the ĎPark and Wright Showí So, what are you going to play for us now?

GRAHAM: BLUREMI (pronounced in a b.l.yuremi)

MARK: What?

GRAHAM: BLUREMI (in the same way)

MARK: Yeah, I didnít get a word of that. What are you going to play for us now?

DAMON: BLUREMI (normal way)

MARK: Oh right, BLUREMI. Yes of course.

They play BLUREMI

They all say their goodbyes and Mark lists all their summer dates etc.

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